


Let's figure it out together

by Ta_Ma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Ending, Episode Related, Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23620030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Ma/pseuds/Ta_Ma
Summary: Rafael recalls how all these years Carisi and him have been dancing around each other, stepping from teasing each other to flirting, from amiable banter to serious talks, from the initial wariness to friendship. He actually likes the man and something, probably work, but also dread and self-doubt have always stood in their way. But now Rafael is leaving and he thinks that he owes Carisi, at least, one sincere talk.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50
Collections: April 2020 Barisi Bingo





	Let's figure it out together

“The world was an old movie. All was black and white, it was high noon and I was Gary Cooper” he smiles at Olivia’s snort. “I was absolutely sure about who were the good guys… who were the bad guys…” He turns not to let Liv’s sad expression get to him before he makes his point. “And then you… you started to weasel your way into my world and the black and white became different shades of gray.”  
She seems about to say something, but Rafael needs to keep going. “Don’t… say it” he warns. “Before I knew it, there were blues and greens and yellows and reds.” He smiles at her. “I’m you now, Liv. You opened my heart and I thank you for it.” He tries to swallow the lump on his throat.  
“And…?” she asks with tears in her eyes.   
“I’ve got to move on.”   
It is, probably, the most heartfelt conversation that Rafael has had in years and he wants Liv to understand how much she has helped him to see the world in a different light. How meeting her has made him understand that things are not always as clear as they seem, that he should try other perspectives and that the truly important things are not always work-related, that there is life from him away from the DA’s office.   
He knows what he has to do right now, so he says goodbye one last time, gives Liv a kiss on the forehead and walks away with a renewed purpose. Rafael Barba, no longer Manhattan’s Assistant District Attorney, decides that he has been cowering long enough and that it is the right time to take action.   
He recalls how all these years Carisi and him have been dancing around each other, stepping from teasing each other to flirting, from amiable banter to serious talks, from the initial wariness to friendship. He actually likes the man and something, probably work, but also dread and self-doubt have always stood in their way. But now Rafael is leaving and he thinks that he owes Carisi, at least, one sincere talk.   
In about forty minutes, Rafael is standing in front of Carisi’s building, he looks up, even though he doesn’t know where the detective’s window must be located, and takes a deep breath. He knows the man’s address only by chance and, as he approaches the intercom, Barba dreads that his visit could be not welcome. But he still calls.   
“Who’s there?”   
“It’s Barba”  
“Oh. Okay…” Rafael is already planning on stepping back and walking away when the younger man says “Come up, then” and buzzes him in.   
The climb up to the detective’s apartment is long, but it helps Rafael clear his mind and when he reaches the right floor, Carisi is waiting for him. He pauses for a moment and takes in the younger man’s image. He is leaning against the door frame, wearing only worn-out jeans and a white t-shirt. He is barefoot and Rafael can’t stop his mind from supplying how beautiful the man’s feet actually are and how gorgeous he looks without product on his hair.   
“Hi,” he says softly and lets Rafael in. “I wasn’t expecting you…” he admits and sounds awfully sincere.   
“Yeah… I’ve just had one of the most intense conversations of my life and I thought… that maybe I could just top it” he chuckles to hide the nervous tremble in his voice.   
“I don’t…” Carisi starts but stops as he raises his hand.  
“I will understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after…” he gestures around himself and the younger man’s expression tells him that he knows what he is talking about. “But I really need you to know a couple of things before this… vulnerability that I am, you know, feeling wears off…” his voice is starting to rough up and he really hopes that he can get his point across before he starts weeping pathetically. The younger man nods, understanding, and signals for him to sit down on his couch, which he does, as Carisi opts for seating on his armchair, giving him space.  
“Well, I guess you will hear this from official channels in no time, but I’ve quit.” he starts, to start somewhere easier because then he is going to be baring his feelings and that is going to be a lot harder.   
“But you were… you were acquitted…” Carisi says and he is genuinely sad and looks impossibly young.   
“It was no longer my place. It didn’t feel right to come back as if nothing had happened. It happened and I’d probably do it again, which is why I decided to quit…” he feels actually drained, now that he thinks about it.   
“But I…”   
“One day you will be a great lawyer, you may even get that job… and you will be so good at it. Even better than I was.” He could keep going, just to see the surprised look on the man’s eyes, but he has to say what he has come to say in the first place. “And I’d like to be there for you when you do…” he adds because it is the truth.   
“Be there for me as… a friend?” Sonny asks in a quiet voice as if he is afraid of the answer.  
“Yes, a friend or maybe” he tries to swallow the lump in his throat “maybe more… if you’ll let me.”

The younger man’s blue eyes are set on him as he stands from his place and slowly approaches Rafael, he silently tends him a hand and when Barba takes it, he pulls him into a tight embrace. For a while they just stand like this, safely tucked into each other’s arms, until Rafael pulls back a little, searching for the man’s face. Sonny’s eyes are wet and he looks unsure, so the older man brings his hand up, to cup Carisi’s jaw.  
“Hey, Sonny. Come here” he mutters before pulling the younger man for a kiss. It is a sloppy kiss because both of them have been holding back tears and they are kissing as if their lives were at stake. But it is also reassuring because they keep holding each other, not wanting to let go of whatever this is.   
Their kiss turns softer after a little while, and eventually, they stop to sit down on the couch. Sonny wraps his arms around Rafael once more and the older man rests his head on Carisi’s chest and lets himself be held.   
“I know that this is asking a lot” Barba starts after a few minutes, still in the same position. “I am not very good at figuring out relationship stuff…”   
“Hey, look at me,” Sonny asks softly and he does turn his head slightly upwards until he fins those blue eyes. “Let's figure it together, one step at a time.” And that is totally what Rafael needed to hear. 


End file.
